Swan Queen Stoner Series
by mln96
Summary: Emma, Regina and marijuana. Fun and ridiculousness ensues. (Rated M for drug use, and mild sexual content... and language, but that's it.)
1. Regina is a Stoner

**Welcome! I wanted to write this because there just aren't enough stories about Emma and Regina smoking weed, so I'm fixing that. I haven't decided whether or not this story will be written chronologically or as a series of one-shots. We shall see. Basically, this chapter exposes Regina as a life-long stoner, which makes sense to me since she was always the rebellious type, and I was tired of her scolding Emma for smoking in all the fics. She and Daniel were most likely sparking up in the stables back-in-the-day tbh. I thought it'd be fun to show how different Regina acts when she's high. A few disclaimers: I do not own Once Upon a Time or any of its characters, nor do I own the song featured in this chapter, it's "If You Were Gay" from Avenue Q. I'd highly recommend listening to the song for this chapter and for your life because it's the bomb. Also, don't do drugs, kids. Drugs are bad. I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

"Regina! Gina, where are you?" Emma called out as she made her way down the steps of Regina's vault. When she got to the bottom floor, she saw Regina sitting at a small table in the corner of the room. Emma continued to approach; Regina showed no intention of acknowledging her. Emma was almost to the doorway when she was abruptly stopped by a an invisible force. It felt as if she had walked into a brick wall. Her head was comically thrown back, and she fell flat on her back.

"Ow! What the fuck?" Emma demanded to the woman still ignoring her presence. She reached up to her face, and felt a small trickle of blood coming from her nose. Emma closed her eyes tightly in concentration, and waved a hand over her face, healing the wound. _Ha-HA! I did it_ , she thought.

Regina was focused intently on a task involving small papers. _Is she doing what I think she's doing?_ Emma asked herself.

"Only the worthy shall enter," Regina said monotonously.

Emma rolled her eyes, "Who do you deem worthy?"

"No one."

"Of course."

Emma raised her hands in the air, and magicked the barrier away. She then proceeded to enter the room and see what Regina was doing.

"Why did I teach you how to control your power again? It seems like my life has only gotten more annoying since I did," Regina said.

"You-" Emma paused for a moment to come up with a real zinger to come back with, but she had nothing, "- and your face and your words… are even more annoying than my magic, so yeah… My life is worse."

"Ooh, good one. But we both know that's not true."

"I know."

Regina lifted the small paper resting in her fingers to her tongue and began licking the inside and rolling the paper into a cylinder.

"Are you rolling a blunt?" Emma asked. Her eyes were wide as she finally got a full view of the brunette's activities.

"Well aren't we perceptive?"

"Whaaaaat? I didn't even know you smoked," Emma said, smiling.

Regina finally looked up at Emma. Her face was seeping with disinterest and intolerance.

"Seriously? Have you heard my voice?"

Emma rolled her eyes, and pulled up a chair. She sat in it backwards, resting her chin on the back, so she could watch Regina work.

"I mean, I would have never guessed. You seem so uptight," said Emma.

"Hm. Fuck you too," said Regina nonchalantly.

"That's not what I meant," Emma quickly corrected, "I mean you seem like you're a rule-follower, you seem straight."

"Every word from your mouth just keeps getting further and further from the truth," Regina said, while finishing on her blunt. She swiped it one last time with her tongue to seal it (Emma swallowed thickly at the sight). "What about being the "Evil Queen" suggests that I'd have any regard for the rules? And as for being straight," Regina chuckled, "Well, that's not true either."

"I guess that's tr- Wait, what? I wasn't talking about your sexual orientation," Emma said.

"I know."

"What?"

"Are you so inept that I must repeat myself once more?"

"So you're saying..." Emma said thoughtfully.

"Don't hurt yourself, dear."

"...you're not straight."

"Good job, you used your listening ears. Would you like a sticker?" Regina asked.

"So like... you don't only like men?"

"Damn, I had so much hope for you."

"I'm serious, Regina!"

"Miss Swan, I believe you already had the answer, and you are ruining the impact of my joke with every passing second spent on this conversation. But I will say it one last time, for the sake of your miniscule brain. I. Like. Women. Romantically speaking. I like to put my mouth on their vaginas, and I like when they return the favor. Sometimes-"

"Okay! I think I get the picture, thank you!" Emma said, cutting Regina off before she could get into any more detail, though even through her discomfort, Emma felt a warmth spreading through her pants.

Regina smirked at the blond's uneasiness.

"Can you grab my lighter out of that drawer?" Regina ordered.

"Aren't fireballs your thing? Can't you just light it with magic?"

"The lighter looks cooler."

"Than magic?"

"I use magic all the time. Sometimes it's more calming to use the objects of this world."

"Why?"

Regina banged her forehead on her desk and grumbled, "Ughhhh! It's like I'm talking to a child! Because magic is very emotionally draining, and I like holding lighters because they relax me, which I really need right now because you are infuriating to be around!"

"Fine, fine."

Emma walked over to where Regina said the lighter was and opened up the heavy drawer. Emma gasped.

"What the hell!"

"Next to the rellos," Regina directed.

"And the dragon engraved bowl, and the… what is this? A crystal bong? And the thirty pounds of weed!?" Emma said lifting up a large ziplock bag full of pot.

"Don't be a drama queen. It's only twenty ounces."

"ONLY? Only twenty? This is the most weed I've seen in my life! Do you know how many years you could get locked up for this?"

"Do you, sheriff?" Regina retorted, folding her hands under her chin.

Emma gaped, "Uh, no… but it's a lot! And I could take you in right now!"

"But you're not going to do that," Regina said smoothly, as she rose from her chair and walked over to Emma.

She closed in. Emma took a step back, but was stopped by the open drawer. She was trapped. Emma's breath hitched slightly as Regina stood only inches from her. Regina reached around behind Emma, her nose almost brushing Emma's ear. Emma swallowed hard and managed to croak out,

"What… makes you think I won't?"

"Because…" Regina breathed in her ear. She smelled of autumn. Notes of vanilla, cinnamon and caramel graced her skin, and her hair smelled of honey-crisp apples. Emma closed her eyes, as her knees weakened and she tried not to let a whimper escape her lips. "I'm sharing."

Regina pulled her hand away and waved her lighter in the air. "Em-ma." Regina spun around and walked back to her desk, adding an extra sway to her hips.

Emma was mesmerized, but managed to sputter out, "What makes you think I smoke?"

Regina cackled, "You're kidding right?"

She held the blunt between her lips and flicked on her lighter and inhaled as she lit the end. Emma's mouth went dry as she watched the woman tilt her head back and blow smoke out of her nose.

"You were the one stealing all of my business after your trips to New York," Regina continued.

"There was no weed in this town… Wait you sell?"

"Why do you think I have twenty ounces in my drawer?" Regina rolled her eyes, "When I created Storybrooke, I took all the weed for myself and erased everyone else's memories of it."

"That's so evil," Emma said.

"I know!" Regina responded like a giddy schoolgirl, "I had it all under a preservation spell, so I had a lifetime supply. But then YOU had to go and break the curse, and these fools started banging on my door asking what I did with all of their weed."

Regina paused in her story to take another drag, and she held it out to Emma. Emma took it and inhaled.

"So I told them that I'd be their supplier until we figured out how to move safely across the town line, and since that never really happened, I had a monopoly, until you ruined everything AGAIN."

"I didn't know there was weed here," Emma shrugged, "I saw business opportunity. Everyone seemed pretty happy."

"Of course they did, you idiot! Your prices were ridiculously low. You were practically giving it away! No one came to me for months. That's why I bought it all off you after the second time you came back from New York," Regina said while taking the blunt back from Emma.

"That was you? I thought Granny was just a stoner…"

"You are a horrible sheriff. You didn't wonder where Granny had suddenly gotten all that money from? She sells coffee for 35 cents. She could have been destroying her life for a drug habit," said Regina.

"Oh yeah… That would have been bad."

"This is why it's better for me to sell all the weed in this town. I am far more responsible," Regina concluded.

"It's all yours, Madam Mayor," said the sheriff.

Emma was starting to feel it. Her legs were lighter, the world began to move at a slower pace, and all Emma wanted to do was stare at Regina's face.

"Haha," Emma said at nothing in particular.

"What?" Regina smiled back at her, her eyelids hanging low.

"Nothing. You're high," Emma giggled again.

"So are you, Swan," Regina murmured seductively. She got up from her chair and walked around to the front of the desk, eyes never moving from the blond's adorable face which was wearing a stupid grin. Regina sat atop the desk, and took a long drag. She inhaled deeply and let the smoke fill her lungs. When she exhaled, she had used magic to manifest the smoke into a unicorn that leapt at Emma's head.

"Whoaaaaaa," Emma yelled as she ducked out of the way and fell out of her chair in slow motion.

They both burst into a fit of laughter. Emma was rolling on the floor, covering her face, red from embarrassment.

"Why did you fall out of the chair?" Regina asked, keeling over from the giggles.

"I don't know!" Emma said smiling.

"It was smoke!"

"I know."

"Did you think it was real?" Regina asked.

"Maybe...For a second. It was coming to get me! I had to get out of the way!" Emma defended.

"I thought you liked unicorns?"

"I do."

"You're gayyyyy," Regina cackled.

"I know," said Emma.

"What?"

"What?

"You are gay?" Regina asked.

"No," Emma said.

"But you just said…"

"No I didn't."

"..."

"..."

"Emma, if you're gay, it's fine. No one here will care," said Regina more seriously.

"But I'm not gay," said Emma firmly.

"But Emma… You're wearing a flannel shirt and a beanie, and… Is that a toolbelt?"

"I couldn't find my other one."

"Okayyy, but I'm just saying..." Regina said, finally putting out the blunt.

"Regina… don't."

"If you were gay…"

"Oh, please god, no!"

"That'd be okay!"

Emma hopped out of her chair, and began to walk out of the vault, "Nope!" Regina rushed after her.

"I mean, cause hey! I'd like you anyway!"

"Really?" Emma paused briefly to look at Regina, but saw that the woman was still singing, so she rolled her eyes, raced up the stairs of the vault, and bolted through the forest toward main street.

"Because you see!" Regina sang effortlessly as she raced after Emma.

"How are you doing this?" Emma panted.

"IF IT WERE MEEEEE!"

"Oh my God!" Emma finally reached main street. She smelled the scent of onion rings and suddenly realised that she was starving. She took a beeline toward Granny's.

"I WOULD FEEL FREE TO SAY THAT I WAS GAY!"

Charming, who was sitting in his truck while the two women raced down the middle of the street, popped his head out of the window and gave Regina a confused look.

Regina turned back at him and smiled, "But I'm not gay."

Charming took a second to process what he just saw. Eventually, he just nodded and said, "Okay," and went on with his evening.

"Okay Regina, are you done? Because I want some onion rings," Emma asked as she slowed her pace to a walk. Regina caught up to Emma, and walked with her up to Granny's patio. Emma waited for Regina to answer, but she was just smiling at her patiently. "Ugh!" Emma caved, "What!"

"If you were queer..."

"Okay. I'm getting onion rings," Emma said spinning on her heel and marching into the diner.

Regina burst through the door, still singing...Loudly.

"I'd still be here!"

Everyone in the diner grew silent, and turned to Regina who was standing with her arms wide, like she was on Broadway. Emma pinched her nose, shook her head, and proceeded to the bar.

Regina's face grew red, and stared back at the many eyes on her. She cleared her throat, adjusted her clothes, and walked over to Emma who was sitting at the bar. Everyone went back to what they were doing.

Regina slid in next to Emma, and whispered, "year after year…"

"Ugh!"

"...because you're dear to me."

"Awe," Emma said, smiling at Regina. Regina beamed back at her. " _Gay idiot,"_ she thought.

"And I know that you…" Regina continued.

"Okay seriously?"

"...would accept me too!"

"Ruby, can I get five orders of onion rings please?" Emma asked.

Ruby nodded, "And Regina…"

"Don't worry about her, she's high," Emma replied. "Never again!" she said to Regina.

Regina continued to sing, "If I told you today! Hey! Guess what! I'm gay!"

At that same moment, Granny came out of the kitchen holding a plate of waffles. She stopped and stared at Regina with an eyebrow raised.

"But I'm not gay," Regina sang looking at Granny.

Granny nodded, and slowly walked away from the scene.

Emma just gave up, rested her elbow on the counter and watched Regina sing.

"I'm happy…"

"Did someone say happy!" Mary Margaret asked, popping out of nowhere.

"Just being with you!" sang Regina.

"Wait what?" Emma said.

"I love this song!" screamed Mary Margaret, and loudly joined in.

"SO WHAT SHOULD IT MATTER TO ME, WHAT YOU DO IN BED WITH GIRLS?"

"MOM!"

Ruby came out with the onion rings, and was singing along.

"If you were gayyyyy…"

"Ruby! You too?" Emma whined.

"What? It's not just me," Ruby said motioning to the rest of the people in the diner, who had indeed stood up from their seats, and begun to sing along.

Regina hopped on top of the bar and began to orchestrate the entire diner.

"WE'D SHOUT HOORAY!" Everyone cheered.

Emma's face was beet-red. She buried her head in her arms.

"Emma…" Regina said sweetly between lines. Emma looked up. Regina was holding out her hand for Emma to join her, wearing a smile that Emma just couldn't refuse. Emma glanced around at the smiling faces upon her. She looked over at Ruby, who slid her a shot of tequila just in time. Emma took a deep breath, knocked back the shot, took Regina's hand and allowed herself to be pulled up onto the bar. Regina laughed and pulled Emma in for a hug. Emma teared up and hugged her back.

Regina whispered into Emma's ear, "And here I'd stay." Then she opened back up and conducted the crowd with one arm while the other was slung over Emma's shoulder.

"And we wouldn't get in your way!" The town sang back to the women.

Henry and Charming came bursting through the diner door, and hopped on the counter with them.

"You can count on me!..."

Henry wrapped his arms around both his mothers, and Charming pulled them all into a massive bear-hug.

"Hey! Group hugs aren't allowed without me!" Snow yelled. She struggled to get on top of the bar, but Regina reached out a hand and pulled her up, and into the hug.

"...to always be!"

The family stood shoulder to shoulder, and started kicking their legs to the beat, Rockette-style.

"BESIDE YOU EVERYDAY!"

Charming kissed Emma's forehead.

"TO TELL YOU IT'S OKAY! YOU WERE JUST BORN THAT WAY!"

Henry took the next line solo, "And as they say, it's in your DNA!"

The crowd hooted and hollered and cheered for the final line,

"YOU'RE GAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

"Okay fine, I'm gay," Emma admitted.

Regina, turned Emma to face her, and stared lovingly into her green eyes. She grabbed the lapels of Emma's jacket and pulled her in for a kiss. Emma, taken aback, moaned into Regina's mouth, before she wrapped her arms around the brunette's waist and lifted her off her feet.

Regina pulled away, and smirked down at Emma, "Hell yes, you are," she said, and stole another kiss. Everyone in Storybrooke cheered, and all was right with the world. All thanks to the magical properties of THC.

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 **So Regina is a compulsive singer when she's high, which is inspired by an actual friend (not me, of course! I never smoke) of mine who sings incessantly when she's high. I hope you all like a more free-spirited Regina, I know I do. Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed yourselves. I'd love to hear your feedback!**


	2. Emma and Regina Play with Animals

**Thanks for coming back! I was loving all the positive reviews for the last chapter! The song's featured in this chapter are "Or Nah" by Ty Dollar $ign and "Welcome to Atlanta" by Jermaine Dupri. I recommend listening to both when they come up. They are fire. And I've decided this series is all one-shots, but like from the same AU... like Regina still sells weed from the Enchanted Forest... It... it's fun. I own nothing! Kay cool.**

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"Emma. Psst! Emma!" Emma looked up from doodling at her desk. The mayor was peeking her head through the door and furiously waving her hand at Emma, beckoning her to come to her.

"What the hell?" Emma asked, "Why don't you just come in? There's no one here," she motioned to the empty office.

"I don't have time to argue, Miss Swan. Now get your ass over here," she whispered loudly.

Emma rolled her eyes, and got out of her chair to reluctantly see what Regina needed.

"What?" Emma asked, raising an eyebrow, "Why are you acting so weird?"

Regina was glancing seemingly paranoid. She straightened her posture and looked Emma in the eye. Emma immediately saw the woman's dilated pupils.

"Oh my God, you're high!" Emma exclaimed.

"Shhh!"

"There's nobody here!"

Regina glanced over her shoulder again and said, "Yeah, but you never know who could be watching."

"What are you talking about?"

"Listen Emma," Regina clapped her hands on Emma's cheeks and started kneading her cheeks between her palms, "Ooh! Squishy! And soft... I like this."

Emma furrowed her brow as the woman continued pulling and playing with her cheeks. Regina moved her hands to her mouth and started opening Emma's mouth as if she was speaking.

"'Hello. My name is Emma Swan, and I'm the Sheriff," Regina deepened her voice, and of course it sounded nothing like Emma, "but I'm probably the most irresponsible person in this town and I like to kill myself slowly with fried food. Nom. Nom. Nom."

"Okay! That's enough of that!" Emma said grabbing Regina's wrists and pulling her hands away from her face, "You wanted to tell me something, Madam Mayor?"

Regina's eyes were fixed on their hands. She wriggled out of Emma's grip and linked their fingers together. She held them up and whispered, "Look. We're connected," then she giggled profusely.

"What the hell did you smoke?"

Regina stopped laughing immediately and answered seriously, "Cannabis, of course."

"I can see that," Emma smirked.

"Do you want some, Sheriff?" Regina asked, arching her eyebrow suggestively.

"Uh. Hello..."

"Right, the sheriff thing."

"No. OF COURSE I will smoke with you!" Emma responded with a huge grin.

Regina beamed back, "Really? Alright! Let's go!"

The brunette started to pull the blond out of the doorway, but stopped immediately.

"Whoa. Wait. No," Regina said shaking her head, "Too far. My legs forgot how to move for a sec. You need to carry me."

Emma laughed out loud,"I am not carrying you out of here."

Regina protested, "Yes you are. You've done it before."

She proceeded to jump on Emma's back, which knocked the wind out of Emma and almost caused them both to topple over. Emma adjusted Regina so she was sitting comfortably, and smiled smugly to herself when Regina's skirt had ridden up so Emma's hands were gripping high up on the other woman's thighs. Regina smacked Emma's backside and yelled,

"Giddy up, horsey!"

Emma shook her head and galloped out of the building.

Granny had been carrying groceries back to the diner when she spotted Emma galloping out of the sheriff's station with Regina on her back. Granny stopped to watch the scene, until the two women disappeared into Regina's car.

"Okay," said Granny, shaking her head, and she continued walking.

* * *

Emma slid into the passenger's seat, and looked over to Regina who was smoking from a bowl.

"Shut the door, we're hot-boxing this shit," Regina ordered. The woman blew out smoke, and pointed to the glove box, "There are joints in there."

Emma opened it, where there was in fact a plastic baggy with five perfectly rolled joints inside. Emma grabbed one, "Can I get a light?" she asked. She popped the joint in her mouth and leaned toward Regina who was ready with the lighter. The two locked eyes while Regina lit Emma's joint, and smirked. Emma inhaled and leaned back in satisfaction. She closed her eyes and held the smoke in her lungs for a moment, then exhaled slowly.

"Mmm," Emma moaned lowly.

"Good?" asked Regina.

"So good," Emma replied.

"That's gonna hit hard in a minute, it's laced with sleeping potion," Regina said offhandedly.

Emma opened her eyes and looked at the woman in shock. Regina stared back at her mischievously. Emma looked at the joint in shock.

"You gave me laced shit!?"

"Didn't you just say it was 'Ahhhh, soo good!'," Regina said, closing her eyes and throwing her head back like she was having an orgasm. Emma flushed at the sight, and looked away.

"That is NOT what I sounded like," Emma mumbled.

"Emma."

"What."

"Don't pretend like you're not going to smoke that delicious weed just because I laced it with a potentially fatal potion," said Regina.

"You're right," Emma caved, took another drag, tilted her head back, and started blowing smoke rings in the air.

"Whoaaaa," Regina said, mesmerized by the trick. Regina lit the weed in her bowl and took another hit. "Okay. Time for some music."

"Oh god," Emma said, "I can't imagine what torture you're about to put me through."

Regina stared at her, clearly offended by the comment.

"Would you like to continue bashing my taste in music before you've even heard it, or would you like to get the fuck out of my car?" asked Regina.

Emma quickly backtracked, "No, no, no! Play your music, please." Not only was Emma really unwilling to part from her joint, but she was also genuinely interested in the type of music the woman liked.

Regina grabbed her phone and connected the bluetooth with the mini speaker she kept in the car.

"You see… High Regina has many sides," Regina explained.

Emma gulped, she had a bad feeling about where this was headed.

"There's Fun Regina," the brunette continued, "and there's Relaxed Regina. There's Hungry Regina, Philosophical Regina, and Sleepy Regina."

The music started playing.

 _I got a lot of cash...and I don't mind spending it._

'Oh fuck,' Emma thought.

"Your little torture comment just triggered my favorite version of High Regina..." the woman said with seduction lacing every word.

 _Imma smoke this joint then I'm gon break you off…_

Emma stared back at the woman with a mixture of fear and arousal. The weed had hit her hard. Her mouth went dry and a giant lump built in her throat, as the other woman got out of her seat and climbed over to Emma, straddling her lap.

"...Evil Seductress Regina," the woman whispered as she leaned into Emma's ear.

 _Is we fuckin when we leave the club or nah?_

Emma dropped the joint in the ashtray, and moved her hands to Regina's waist. Regina rolled her hips to the music and dragged her hands over Emma's body.

 _I'm not the type that you take home to Mom._

Regina's hands found their way under Emma's shirt. She stroked her fingers up from the waistband of Emma's jeans, and over her abs. Emma's breath hitched, and her stomach tightened as Regina's soft fingers slid over her skin. Regina's hair tickled Emma's shoulder, as the Mayor nipped at the Sheriff's ear. Emma gasped, when Regina quietly began to sing along with the music.

" _Do you like the way I flick my tongue or nah? You can ride my face until you're drippin' cum."_

Emma couldn't take it. She bucked her hips up to Regina, but other woman was not going to be so generous. Regina reached under Emma's bra and found her nipple. She rolled it between her fingers, and continued singing, and watched with pleasure as the blond writhed underneath her.

" _Pussy so good, I had to save that shit for later. Took her to the kitchen, fucked her right there on the table. She repping XO to the death, I'm tryna make these bitches sweat. I'm tryna keep that pussy wet, I'm tryna fuck her and her friends._ "

"Fuuuuuuck!" Emma moaned.

Regina cackled, then took her tongue and began to drag it from Emma's ear, down her neck and over her chest.

Emma frustratedly grabbed Regina's shoulders, and gently pushed Regina way. Regina stared back at Emma with a confused look. Emma smirked, and waited a few more seconds. Regina, arched her eyebrow when she realized what Emma was doing.

" _Girl, is you sucking me or fucking me or nah?"_ Emma sang back, " _Can I bring another bitch? Let's have a threesome. Keep saying you's a freak, you gon' prove it or nah?_

Regina feigned offense and smacked Emma's shoulder.

"That's disgusting!"

"Oh, but it's fine for you?" Emma asked laughing.

"You're the one who asked for torture," Regina responded wickedly. The woman's eyes darkened, and she devilishly barred her teeth.

Emma was certain that she was either going to die, or take Regina right then.

"But seriously, is we fuckin' or nah?" Emma asked wide-eyed and eager.

Regina chuckled, and patted Emma's cheek, "Would it be torture if we were?"

"Well in that case," Emma picked Regina up by her waist, and removed the woman from her lap. She opened the car door, and raced back into the station to find the nearest bathroom where she could take care of the glorious ache between her legs.

Regina laughed to herself, and leaned back victoriously in her seat. She picked up her bowl, lit the weed in it, and began smoking again.

* * *

Emma returned to the car, flustered and out of breath.

"Okay, were we going somewhere?" Emma asked.

Regina ignored her and grabbed the blond's hand. She lifted Emma's fingers to her nose and sniffed. She smirked when she smelled the soft scent of Emma's arousal.

"You didn't wash your hands," said Regina.

"Yes I did!" Emma pulled her hand away and took a wiff for herself. She scowled when she could, in fact, still smell herself on her hand, "Damn it. I did, I swear."

"Whatever you sayyyy," Regina said mockingly, "There's hand sanitizer in the glove box."

Emma grumbled, while she grabbed the bottle and squirted the hand sanitizer over hands.

"You know the chemicals in this stuff will kill you, right?" Emma said.

"Says, you while emptying out the entire bottle," Regina retorted.

"Would you rather my hands smell like pussy?"

"Well…"

"Don't answer that," Emma said, cutting Regina off. "So where are we-"

"Shh. I was about to say something," Regina said, spacing out.

Emma waited.

"Haha. I forgot," Regina said laughing, while she started the car, "No wait… No I forgot."

Emma shook her head, "Where are we going?"

"...I don't know," Regina replied, "I needed you for something... It was important…Whatever. It's fine, I'll remember later."

"Cool," Emma said.

They pulled away from the station and started driving down the road, headed nowhere in particular while Regina tried to jog her memory. Emma gazed out the window, watching the colors of the world blend together.

"Ohhhhhh!" Regina yelled.

"What? Did you remember?" Emma asked.

"No, look! The animal shelter! We have to go in," Regina said.

"Yes," Emma agreed, "That's a good idea."

"Wait," Regina said, "We gotta roll up on some gangsta shit."

"Where'd you pick up this vernacular?" Emma asked, her voice croaking, "Hahahaha… I'm high as fuck.

"I spent some time with Luda in Atlanna during the early 2000s."

"Where?"

"ATL, hoe!"

"With Ludacris?"

"Long story. Anyway..." Regina said, as she blasted "Welcome to Atlanta".

"Why do I feel like everything about this is cultural appropriation?"

"Because it is. YEAH! WELCOME TO ATLANTA, JACK AND HAMMER AND VOGUES. BACK TO MACKIN' AND JACKIN' THE CLOTHES, ADOLESCENT PACKIN A FO'!'" Regina rapped, while skidding the car into the parking lot.

She parked the car, and the two stepped out of the car.

 _Yo, yo, y-y-yo, yo, yo_

 _Y-y-yo yo, yo-yo-yo_

 _Yo yo-yo-yo, yo-yo, yo_

 _Y-yo, yo, yo-yo-yo-yo-yo yo!_

They each put on a pair of sunglasses and walked in slow motion up to the animal shelter.

 _Welcome to Atlanta where the playas play_

 _And we ride on dem thangs like ev-er-y day_

 _Big beats, hit streets, see gangstas roamin_

 _And parties dont stop 'til eight in the mo'nin_

Snow was picking up a prescription at the drugstore, when she saw the two women across the parking lot. She stopped in her tracks and watched as Emma and Regina walked extremely slowly up to the animal shelter. She furrowed her brow and cocked her head, unable to tear her eyes from the strange sight. When the two disappeared into the animal shelter, after it took them a full minute to walk fifty yards, she shook herself out of her trance.

"Okay," said Snow, and she walked to her car.

* * *

Inside the shelter, Emma and Regina were stopped in their tracks by the overwhelming number of animals.

"Whoaaaaaa," they both said in unison.

"Look at the kitties!" Emma squealed. She rushed over then pen where about a dozen cats were roaming about, and hopped in with them.

"Of course, _you'd_ want to play with the kitties," Regina said, smirking suggestively.

"Shhh! Don't taint their innocence with your dirty mind!" Emma exclaimed while covering one of the kittens ears to prevent him from hearing Regina's words.

Regina wandered over to a fish tank and stared intently into it.

"They look so sad," she said, "They could have been swimming in a big ocean with unlimited space to explore, but instead they're here, where they're doomed to swim around in the same three foot tank for all eternity…"

"Or until they die," Emma said. She was laying back, letting the kittens jump on her face and sharpen their claws on her jeans, "Ow! Leonardo! Play nice."

"Did you name one of the cats after Da Vinci?" Regina asked.

"...Maybe."

"Wow. How intellectual."

Emma rolled her eyes.

"They need exercise," Regina said.

"Who? The fish?" Emma asked.

"Look at them. They look like they haven't had a day of fun in their lives," said Regina, looking at the fish with sympathy.

"They're fish… Can they even remember their lives?" Emma asked, while fighting a kitten who had stolen her sock.

"You're so insensitive," Regina snapped back at Emma. She turned around and saw Emma fighting the kitten. She was clearly losing. The other cats had started ganging up on Emma, so their friend had the upper hand. "Why did you take your boots off!" Regina yelled.

"I WAS GETTING COMFORTABLE! I DIDN'T KNOW LEONARDO WAS A TRAITOROUS BASTARD!"

Regina walked over to the cat pen and picked up a feather-toy.

Emma was pulling as hard as she could, trying to take back the now ripped up sock, but it was a struggle as Leonardo had enlisted the strongest cat in the pen to help him in the tug-of-war. One of the kittens jumped on Emma's head, and started clawing her scalp.

"OW! FUCK YOU, FRANCESCA!"

"Emma, you'd better win. I don't sleep with losers… especially if it's in a cat fight," Regina said walking back to the fish tank.

"WELL, YOU COULD HELP!" Emma responded, "Oh, that was a low blow, Leonardo! I WILL FUCKING END YOU, BUDDY!"

"I'm busy. I need to play with the fishes," said Regina.

She pulled over a nearby step-stool, and stepped up to open up the lid of the fish tank. She peered down at them and smiled brightly.

"That's right, you guys are going to have some fun."

Regina waved the cat toy over the water, and gently bobbed the feather in and out of the water.

"Come on guys. Jump for the toy! I know you can do it!" Regina encouraged, but of course the fish, being fish, all scattered as soon as the feather disturbed their habitat.

"Emma, they won't play," Regina said pouting.

"KINDA BUSY HERE!"

"You can do it fishies! I just want you guys to get some exercise."

Suddenly, Henry walked into the animal shelter, and stood in shock as he watched one of his mothers wrestling a litter of kittens, and the other throwing a cat toy in a fish tank.

"Mom?" Henry asked looking at Emma, who paused in the fight and stared back at him guiltily, and then he looked over at Regina, "Mom?"

"Hi, Honey! How was your day?" Regina asked, hiding the cat toy behind her back.

"I… Um… I saw your car outside...I had to walk home. You were supposed to pick me up from school," Henry said.

Regina snapped her fingers and pointed at Emma, suddenly remembering why she went to see the sheriff in the first place.

"OH! _That's_ what I needed you for! I was going to ask you to pick him up because I was…" she glanced at Henry, "...indisposed. I'm sorry, Sweetie, I forgot," she said apologetically to Henry.

Henry furrowed his brow and nodded, "It's okay." Something weird was going on, and Henry didn't feel like he wanted to know what it was. "I'm going to walk home. You two...have fun?" Henry spun on his heel and left.

Regina looked at Emma, and shrugged, "Oops," she said.

Emma hadn't moved. Leonardo had been distracted by Henry and let go of the sock for a moment. Emma quickly reached down and nabbed the ratty sock.

"HAHA! I WIN! FUCK YOU, LEONARDO!" she yelled taunting the kitten. Leonardo looked back up at Emma, yawned and walked off to his bed to take a nap.

"OH! Don't act like you don't care, Leonardo!" Emma screamed furiously at the cat.

"Emma," Regina said firmly.

"What?"

"Let it go."

"Fine," Emma conceded, but she glared back at Leonardo and whispered, "This isn't over, cat."

* * *

 **Disclaimer: Never smoke laced shit! Especially if it's laced with sleeping potion.**

 **And I spelled "Atlanta" as "Atlanna" when Regina said it because that's how people from Atlanta say it (shout out to the ATL!), so yes the typo was intentional. :) Hope y'all are having fun! Reviews are welcomed!**


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